Tuesday, 25 July 2017

A year on, the man gone.

It’s the smile I miss, the simplicity of acceptance
without the need for speech, his eyes
that cut to the soul and still his smile came -
the way the sun rises each day
or promised rainbows for the pact that things will be better
than we may let ourselves believe.

I miss his faith in me,
his interest and assistance
no matter the project.

I miss the conversations
that often rolled into arguments, like shadows
and sunshine across the paddocks he and Lee painted;
He gave as good as he got, did Kev
and then would put another thought on top
so that when I think of him
it’s his mind that follows the smile
the way he knew so much about so many damn things
yet remained humble so people, if they did not pay heed,
might miss the insight his words gifted.

I miss the shared coffee (milk on the side) and wine,
the way he finished our meals for us
and his cheerful greeting
after I would hear the bike roll up the driveway
with Nelson’s tail thumping ‘Kev’s here” on the tiles -
it occurred to me today I had not heard Nelson’s tail thump
in a year and isn’t that the measure of all our pain,
our hearts beat but where is the thump?

He is the gap now
that I must fill with my own thoughts,
the provocateur my mind must supply to myself
to propel me forward,
the smile hidden in every cloud
calling for rain and blue skies and all the in-betweens;
reminding me that life is about the palette
and not the preferred hue.